I might have a beer. Just to keep this hangover on its toes.
So does it count as really great road-head if he ran over 3 mailboxes before realizing he was off the road?
Im pretty sure it started going awry when I asked their mom "How much would it cost me to sleep with your daughters"
Nobody has seen her in 3 days. Should we call the cops or hope this is just another drunk Carmen San Diego game she's playing?
The stoned girl at the dining hall just handed me a single chicken wing and insisted that she's "unable to procure more rations"
I threw up outside of a cab while waiting in a drive thru Mexican line while others who i don't know watched from their cars while they ate. Dinner and a show.
"Just cut me in half. Then take half of me home. And leave the other half here. Cuz I can't see."
First stoner thought of the day: Life would be so much better if there were more things that were biscuits and gravy flavored.
Children cease to be precious when they crap their shorts in the pool I exercise at.
The last two times I had sex with him I forgot who it was half way through
...and with one comment dissing Hannibal Lecter, I suddenly understood why we never worked out.
Explain to me again why I'm doing the walk of shame if we fucked at my house?
dude. that's the chick that BIT MY DICK. it doesn't matter how hot you think she is, trust me man.
so you might not believe this but he made a powerpoint. and gave you a 3.5/10.
They want a bedroom just for their cats. And you thought we were gay.
Randomize
