READY
for what?
TO HAVE SEXXXX
i think you have the wrong number
I just came so hard I farted. Twice. Thank God I'm alone.
I'm pretty sure there's seven mailboxes in the bathtub...
explain the missing patches of hair on my cat. now.
He tried to carry her to her room after she passed out, but when he picked her up she came back to, saw him, screamed rape and pulled out her vuvuzela app and blasting it like a rape whistle.
He made me a "booty call of the year" award.
I WALKED myself out of breath. And I'm lost I'm a Tim Hortons parking lot. That's how hungover I am.
just had a very awkward conversation with the concierge at the hotel, they threw your underwear out
Screw disneyland. This military base is the happiest place on earth. Even unnatractive dudes are completely fuckable in those uniforms, im never leaving
I actually feel a twinge of sadness recycling all of our handles... I feel like I'm throwing out some great memories or lack of them because we don't remember
The only thing I had in my freezer before today was patron and cheese.
See, this is why you don't do nice things for people. You'll get stuck in the snow and you won't catch a dick.
Its a good night when you make $200 and didn't have to see any balls
i have pictures frm only 4 hours ago that will fucking ruin you so i suggest yuo come get me.
Where are you?
dunno. ask mike. bring pain killers. and underwear. and my dignity.
My vagina still hurts from yesterday. That's the last time I think riding a mop bucket is a good idea. Don't let me do that again
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