Just saw the homeless asian lady making a hispanic man pull her shopping cart with a harness. I love Boston.
my room smells like sperm. sweet.
How the hell am I supposed to know what lotion to get her? They should have a dressing booth where I could go test how good it is for jerking off, then I'd know.
So drunk can't even tell it's my own house. WOaoOw.
all i remember is screaming butter knifes are for pussies.
please stop yelling "ITS NARNIAAAAAAAAA" out of our window at the lone person walking home in the snow
Dude, did you really "knight me" and tell me I had permission to bang your sister last night?
There just aren't enough words in the English language to convey my deep and abiding love of your cock. So I am beefing up on my Portuguese.
My wife ladies and gentlemen! Love ya babe.
At IHOP. It feels weird and sad that your cleavage isn't here for me to try to toss paper wads into.
Never drinking again. Maybe, if our boss gave us more 3-day weekends we would know how to handle ourselves. That was a shit show.
I almost tased myself
I dont think you should own that device.
It's an awesome device. I love this device.
What's more sad than going to Target to buy Plan B and the new Sam Smith album?
Between having seen you naked and interpreting your values based on the occasional political FB post, you're no stranger for sure.
Typical Sunday morning text...are you alive?
Judging from the sharpie on my face, glitter on my chest and women's tiger print panties i'm wearing last night was a thing.
Randomize
