There was a ginger baby in the car next to me. I almost totaled my car into the center divide.
I tried to assassinate the ginger baby
Just ran into that chick u called from my phone and left her a MSG bout how she has aids
Ahaha, good shit
thats the mark of a good guy. when you can period all over his leg and he still thinks you're beautiful!
You just said we could build a blanket and pillow "fuck fort." Of course I'm never leaving you.
She is the absolute last thing I would want to screw. Honestly. Fellating a porcupine. Higher on the list.
he attacked my vagina with the force of a thousand suns
Can you find me some 'I threw up in my hair last night' medicine?
We just don't discuss our relationships. It's pretty much like we're single no matter what to each other. And I'm okay with that. ¯\\(ツ)/¯
found one of my socks in the dishwsaher... xanax
Just sitting in the tub googling "how to remove sharpie from skin". You?
IM BACK TOGETHER WITH MY BF AND HERE YOU ARE SUCKING DICK FROM 2009
He told me he was cooking me a special dinner tonight. His "five star meal" was popcorn in champagne glasses, and chic fil a sauce in jello shot containers to dip the popcorn in. He still tries to convince me he doesn't smoke weed anymore.
Babe if there was a way to give a back rub and head at the same time that's what I would ask for my birthday, Christmas and of course right now. Please think about how and get back to me.
I wish I just waited long enough to hate someone to fuck one
I have to charm this cab driver. Hold on.
Randomize
