I drank enough to make her look pretty . . It worked and i threw up while going at it
I just used a franzia box to scrape the snow off my car.
whoever says they hate hangovers just doesnt know how to embrace them. i'm eating a mashed potato sandwich and watching grind.
no seriously he was fingering me like he was really really frantically looking for a song on his iPod.
There's half of a squirrel in the bathtub - i figured you'd be the one to go to.
I would like to apologize for asking to take advantage of you, wishing you a horny Hanukkah and whatever "abd ethw prnym to mzbe yur penis cna be friends" means.
Aw lol. Sounds like my masturbation injury last year
Pulling over on the side of the road to set off fireworks was the worst idea you have ever had. I don't care if it was called a friendship pagoda.
I dove into a random van at the bar as the door was closing and ended up at some house with people I've never met in my life dancing in a basement
Btw...I puked in my hand last night and threw it on the floor. Don't let me do tequila ever again.
Hah no, But it might feel like water boarding to my soul
I pulled out moves I did not even know I possessed, our fucking de-throned gods
"You can go raw dog up in me". Exact words. I can't decide whether to run, or fuck. Help.
Is your gma going to be okay with me passed out drunk on the ground
I just paid $10 for tinder plus so that I could change my location to Rio and match with Olympic Athletes
Randomize
