I feel like my sweat is 40 proof right now
there was a trapeze. enough said
What kind of person begs for a BJ from someone who just got their wisdom teeth out?
I asked her if she was the outdoorsy type, she replied "I had sex on a fourwheeler once, does that count?"
Shot gunning beers for breakfast. You better be ready for today.
Good point, clearly my love of penis contributed to my torn knee ligament.
Got head last night. Had the 3D glasses on the whole time.
No memories of receiving this. Or of getting home. Or of apparently developing a taste for marmalade, which I assume is yours because I have literally never eaten it before. It's all over the kitchen. And my phone. And in my hair. Oh god I wish I wasn't on the train to work. X And sorry about the kitchen x
She's opening her family birthday cards at the bar. So we can pay our tab. Bitches wrote checks :(
Sex with him is like pizza, it can be shitty but its stillll pizza.....
I sexted him with a GIF from titanic and it worked....
I'm a girl who met my last three bfs in gay clubs. Think I'm doing something wrong?
Emojis can't explain what he felt when that ass dropped
just so it's not awkward when you get here, you and my dog have the same name.
Hahaha nice
Why were there just 3 inflatable bounce houses delivered to my house?
oh shit.
Randomize
