I just found that girl ____ on facebook, her activities include "church nursery" yikes
bella threw up all over the kitchen floor then looked at me, laughed, and walked away
isn't bella the cat???
that she is
look, i may have sacrified a 20% assignment for a sprite. this is what hangovers do to me.
The tornado sirens were going off and everyone just ran to the liquor store. .
Im about to shotgun a beer using my mother's knitting needles. home sweet home.
no, that was the night I slathered your dick in the icing from my birthday cake
The slot machines are wishing me happy birthday. Mission success.
The bouncer called to give me my shoes back when I got there he said " I'm all cool with fuvking bitches but when you try to to do it in my bar on the pool table you're gonna get chocked out every time"
At least you got your shooes
Yah at one point i was listening to metallica and doing pushups last night. I went thru alot of emotions.
I feel like a Europe failure cause I'm coming home from the club at 3:30 and so many people are just arriving... Wtf? 3:30am People! Drink earlier!
It's a Tuesday.
It was super embarrassing when I had to tell my brother, in front of my mother, that my wifi password was Drinkupbitches. Thanks for providing that lovely family moment.
I heard you coughing. Are you choking or smoking? And are you okay?
I'm never celebrating Galentine's Day again. It was a whorrific mess.
I just ate a handful of salt
I thought this was a good idea
I fucked her on her ex's Yankee sheets while she was wearing an Ortiz jersey...of course she gets to meet my mother
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