That blackeyed peas song was on, so I thought that was prediciting tonight was going to be a good night. And then my garage door opner fell and hit me in the head.
I literally just copy and pasted that from another bbm convo bc I'm far too stoned to explain that again.
maybe i get so drunk and make stupid mistakes cuz Subconsiously im preparing for my real world debut
I don't care if its bassically 3rd world. A country without a drinking age is a country without a drinking age.
Well, McDonalds 'escorted' me out after I passed out mid-order
Hey, this is Travis. I just so intelligently deduced that I am in a college dorm somewhere in western oregon. Probably WOU, based on the process of elimination.
We've reached the point in our fuck buddy relationship where we are playing words with friends. This is too intimate.
I just need a text that says "put that food down bitch" and then maybe I'll lose water weight through tears
If I had really thought it through, I would have bought some Depends, popped one on and made this night my bitch.
at least I have the sex noises of his roommate to entertain me while I wait for him to wake up
Straight up asked lady in a lime green jumpsuit how to make your ass clap. That thing wiggled more beautifully than ocean waves at sunset
Sushi was just eaten off my naked body. I feel like I can die in peace now.
My heart says buy the granny panties, but my vagina says don't throw in the towel yet.
So i just remembered that thing i use to do with your butt because of shark week.
Once again, your first date sounds like something of an epic. Odysseus' Quest for Fourth Base.
i wish he'd fuck me as good as he is at karate.
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