There was so much of it... it was like he poured a bowl of pudding on my face. It's not bad for your hair is it?
you'd think with how big her nose is she'd have a better smelling pussy..
Why are you seriouly talking to me about this when there naked pics of blake lively on the internet? Priorities man...
I need you to stand in the corner and ref this threesome. Wear stripes.
So I found the perfect "Yeah I gained weight since high school but it went to all the right places" outfit for the reunion this weekend.
The thing i'm gunna miss the most about college is peeing while brushing my teeth in the shower without being judged. You just can't do that anywhere else
My liver just had a heart attack.
Mom and I are both drunk and walking around the Strip. It's like the hangover but with a lot more bathroom breaks.
I got frustrated so I just stood up and said take me to bed or lose me forever and banged the first guy who responded show me the way home. Thank you Top Gun.
I've had to take two showers today and it's not even 1 o'clock. Why won't this weekend wash off?
He got punched in the face last night? By who? I’ll invite him to our formal. Seriously.
Have you ever drank bourbon in your underwear while wearing a Santa hat and reflecting on the decisions of your life? Asking for a friend.
This is not okay. I only like one boy. I should like 200 boys and be having wild unprecedented sex. Instead I like one boy whose a born again virgin.
I can’t shake the image of her gigantic black unibrow. It’s like I got a blowie from Eugene Levy
Fucking a younger guy is now a game of odds. The chance that he gives me corona virus is outweighed by the evening of orgasms I know he’ll give me.
Randomize
