is it bad that i regret hanging out with a girl tonight because that means i have less time to sit on youtube watching xmen cartoons?
there is a time and a place for ass-grabbing and that was not it.
Looks like breakfast in bed is out the window. She can't get up because I "fucked her into paralysis." My stomach is not happy with my dick right now
I mean I love some drunk compliments, but he just wasn't up to my low standards.
I also got a mission for you and you're gonna love it. Biggest. Hospital. Party. Ever.
So somehow today's lecture on the immune system turned into me having to stand up and explain female ejaculation to the class.
Last night I somehow got INCREDIBLY wasted & thought it was a good idea to make a group chat with all the guys I'm hooking up with and just say "bye." soo I'm hiding out till next week.
So I spent all night thinking my bed was floating down a river and telling the cats to get on the bed because they were going to float away. Percocet is strong shit.
there is a guy with a glowstick staff outside my house
Thanks a lot dude. I'm grateful to you for your gift of pure piss.
It took me an hour to walk from my drive way to my front door... what the fuck was in that weed?
Are you drinking tequila at 1pm? ...at Disneyland?
Public service announcement: Just bc it is Margarita Monday does NOT mean your stomach will readily accept that much alcohol. There IS a reason it isn't called Magical Monday. On that note, better luck on Tequila Tuesday.
If I get really high and watch Beauty and The Beast on our Netflx account, will you judge me?
Only if you start before I get home!
so idk what that means but now because of me he has a police file as breaking into my apartment and sleeping in my hallway under the carpet
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