he called me a worthless slut and then went 2 the bathroom 2 pee on the floor before leavin. but he was really hot and he left his jacket, should i call him?
You seriously don't know?He was trying to arrest you and you were shouting that you were being punk'd. Punk'd? that show got cancelled like 5 years ago.
i just heard her through the wall saying "not on my face! NOT on my face!" then a scream and "I SAID NOT ON MY FACE!!!"...nice work dude.
she told me i tasted like america
Fuck. I just got my nipple tweaked by a plus size drag queen in a purple dress. I feel like I got molested by Grimace.
Don't do anything you wouldn't want to explain to paramedics
But that's half the fun of it
He was puking up tons. He aimed his face inside his coat. Not a drop in my car. Then he thanked me for the ride.
did you know gatorade and rum go really good together
Are you doing depressed science again
maybe
I'm getting offered Candy Crush lives in return for sex. Like wtf.
Really? A fat girl?
I'm walking her back. Chill out.
She is a nice girl okay. For some reason we are in my room though.
What's the worst that could happen? I'm already broke and my leg's already broken
When's the best time to point out that all of my orgasms this year have been self-administered? Valentine's day?
Honestly, the only reason I've been productive today was because I ended up organizing my apartment while searching for my vibratory charger.
I just split a tacobell party box with my boss. 12 tacos. We were equals for a moment.
I’ve got a sex swing and lube, he’s not going anywhere soon
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