i actually looked down at my cock today and said "whoa buddy, you need a haircut....(grimace) and a shower"
Nothing better then your mother meeting someone you randomly had sex with and him introducing himself as the guy who rocked her world once.
Five girls, one freshman pledge. We're like our own Make A Wish Foundation.
i just woke up to 15 people singing a whole new world
I was just on craigslist and saw and ad for a naked yoga instructor. I will no longer be jobless.
just got double teamed by two guys I will be on beach patrol with this summer. six months until the season starts and I'm already 'that girl.'
I want to be ashamed of the things we do this weekend
ALSO, bringing a stapler to the bar is a good idea
I have to finish a biography for history and write a review on it so naturally I was like "getting high will make this more bearable" and now I'm basically inside the book at the revolutionary war with this guy.
Also I found and fixed my beer gun.
who the fuck is meatball and why is he telling you to nap on the bar
My tinder date had to be home by 8:30 cause she's on house arrest.
i woke up half naked on someone's pool lounge chair in a house that i don't know, with someone's phone number scrawled on my stomach. why do i hang out with you again??
You just listed two reasons.
I think I'm taking after my dog, I just want to hump everything
I couldn’t resist. He had a camouflage condom. You know I love a man in a uniform
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