I swear I have "I love assholes" written on my forehead with ink that only guys can see.
I found out what happened to that girls weave last night. It was draped over a bush in my backyard.
not good my parents heard a big thud and found me passed out in the bathrrom abt an hr ago. hit my head arm and side. dont remember. real talk.
He asked if I smoke and I said "only fools like you on the basketball court!" Then I started crying. I think I'm about to have my period.
I forgot how wholesome of a place a park is when youre not drinking there.
Nobody has seen her in 3 days. Should we call the cops or hope this is just another drunk Carmen San Diego game she's playing?
I'm not sure whom I'm texting but I put you in my phone as last nights fuck budy, and I'm just curious if I left my clutch with you?
You're the reason I lose Never Have I Ever
Things I have learnt this week: bubble mix is toxic. Extremely toxic.
Well just saw that professor I hooked up with on campus and I look like a dumpster baby
Getting food poisoning after eating at work was the cherry on top of my "Welcome back to real life" sundae.
Help I can't tell if I'm sexually attracted to Bill Nye
Oh.
You came to the right person.
I just shook glitter of my birth control packet so I’d say it’s safe to say it was a good weekend
I am far too sober to understand you right now. sorry.
i feel like you should know pants are always optional
Randomize
