1:32 am: your girlfriend looks like a man
1:48 am: your uglier
There's a girl at 7-11 apologizing for her behavior and asking if she can get her shoes back.
The worst part of it is that he's not the first man I've fucked with 2+ chihuahua's.
dude, it should not be this hard to find a bottomless mimosa on a friday morning
i feel this outfit says i'm better than you, but i might give you a handjob behind a building
Home remedy for the herp. Black tea. I need to strap teabags to my wang.
So even though we broke up apparently according to my voice mail you still like me, with smurfs while riding on a boat.
Totalylr drunk. Coveredc in cryola marker. Loving it. Straight men everywhere. Don't be surprises when I'm pregbat romorrowwwww
Im surprised putting the throwing knife "dartboard" next to the door didnt end up worse
it's only monday and im already failing all my classes. i give up. tequila tuesday is my only friend.
So the old dude that tried to fight me is definitely Katie's dad. And the pot cookie's kicking in. Shit is getting weird.
If we accept the love we think we deserve do we also accept the sex we think we deserve?
I can only use one eye at a time. And if I want to listen, I have to close both of them.
I'm watching Russian dudes pole-dance. For research.
You were carrying a 6 ft lamp that we stole on your back yelling "OHANA MEANS FAMILY AND FAMILY MEANS NOBODY GETS LEFT BEHIND"
Randomize
