We need to either start getting drunk more often or one of us need to start doin drugs
Wtf? Why?
I want awesome conversations to show the world.
I realized we pick a president more often than I get a blowjob
Goldfish can't live in a bowl filled with tequila, lesson learned.
you can feel better about your life now. i slept with a guy who has gold teeth
We thought we had lost her until we found her in the bushes a block away singing "Jingle Bells".
I wish i could 80s montage me losing weight
Down at Ground Zero right now. So many people here. It's the most patriotic game of grabass Ive ever seen.
I want "hickeys on my ass" sex
We got to the second bar and all he kept saying was "I'm on an alcohol safari!" Best 21st birthday ever.
I know of an excellent nanny. A lot like Mary Poppins but way cooler. And likes pot.
So your contact has been changed to "jizz weave" in my phone. Now, as strange and random as that may be, I'm slightly embarrassed to say that I have more than one contact that fits that description so please identify yourself.
Lets get drunk and then you just wraps me into a present because that sounds like fun after the past 3 glasses of wine I drank
Its one thing to reject me, but to reject me AND my hottest friend AT THE SAME TIME!?!?
Please explain the hospital band on my wrist.
Would you say that skipping class and sitting alone in my room singing One Direction to myself and sobbing is an acceptable way to deal with the break-up
Randomize
