I can't disclose who, but one time I called someone, they didn't pick up, and immediately texted back 'will call later, masturbating'
I thought that was really considerate
im contemplating emailing my dad and telling him how worthless i am and how sorry i am that he pays for my life...aka my bar tabs.
Shaking her cervix like it's the hottest ticket around
The bride says you won't want any of the single ladies...
Let's let the open bar be the judge of that.
Not enough. Tell the person next to you to give you their drink. I give you permission. And then chug it. Be a hero tonight.
He was hiding behind my bedroom door. at noon. Wearing a t shirt. And a condom. Not attractive.
I had a moment while I was smoking where I was looking at these palm trees and I knew how dr Seuss came up with his characters.
Just cleaned someone else's sperm off of my bedroom wall. Never throwing a house party again.
So please don't worry, but I need some help getting blood out of my drywall so I can get my security deposit back. I would not ask if the need was not great.
I don't trust a bar IN TENNESSEE that doesn't have Jack Daniels.
holy shit I was not prepared for her to whip out that dildo
Yep. The ghost of my sex life is in your house.
I love you. Go after that dick
She was on top, but I lost her at "alright, you look like predator."
I can get weed and taco bell delivered but frozen peas and a loaf of bread are just too scarce, what the hell is wrong with people?
Randomize
