Vanessa Carlton's songs would be so much better if she was pretty
i just heard one Asian kid say to another, "i bet if i could get into Harvard i could get laid all the time, my brother lost his virginity the first night there."
OK, the bar's closing. Do I go to home to my wife or my girlfriend?
i would one night stand the shit outta him
if that's jizz on my steering wheel i'm gonna be pissed...and impressed.
So i realized that if i bought everything from my google search history for the past week i would have a dolphin, a wolf costume, a unicorn costume, a katana and a bullet proof vest. Not sure how the dolphin would fit in but the rest of it would end up in one awesome night or someone would die. Either way i say we do it.
HE'S turngign 18teen real soon.k
My dog just threw up a condom. Sorry for accusing you of not wearing one, I found it now.
He is just a personification of a vodka hangover.
Yes. Sex with questionable women, and made of potatoes.
I need to pay that drinking in public ticket, but I also really want to get a spray tan next week... so priorities.
Dude fuck drugs. It's 4am and I'm eating mushroom ravioli fantasizing about jumping on a trampoline
All I want is a wedding with a dress and a veil and where I can go and my cat can go.
You kept licking me last night.... and said I tasted like jello. Next time, lay off the jello shots, okay?
I can't be sure but I think I slept with a clown last night...
Guuuuurrrrrl! He ate the 🌮like it contained the Covid-19 vaccine!
Randomize
