Does adding vodka to a protein shake defeat the purpose?
Even my vagina gasped.
So. She dumped me today.
Well, maybe you shouldn't have referred to going down on her as "Dumpster-Diving".
Someone had Captain Morgan and orange juice at the same moment I lost my hangover and I just had to give it a try.
I totally straight up jacked your pants. I am so sorry.
Plus i lost a button on my shirt and we got free drinks all night. Sorry I'm not sorry.
Some girl is sitting topless in the kitchen and having a Skype video chat with some guy. I already like it here.
I am about five seconds from ripping off my clothes and throwing myself into the ocean to become a mermaid
Turns out the dorm toilet can't take a punch. Gonna be a long year without Mexican food.
My vagina has a heartbeat. That means I'm in love, right?
I find him attractive in the absolute weirdest way. Like I need him to do my taxes, but I also feel like I should spill things on him to gain his attention and then lick it off to gain his affection.
I wanna hang out. The cats don't talk back.
Today I learned that I have a bigger dick than Draymond Green
Does fucking him in the back of the car with the sun roof retracted count as star gazing?
My moral compass kept pointing to his penis.
Randomize
