everything was going good until you started showing off the pictures of poop you took with your phone
Hold on im havin a staring contest with my cat
is asking a girl out on a date while in another girls bed in poor taste?
I just saw on the news, this guy tried to smuggle coke in a bouquet of roses... and to think I used to hate valentines day.
first day of class and my professor asked me if i was going to come to class drunk all semester.
She just kept tellin me God was coming back and he was leavin her with a bag of stale doritoes and shitty friends.
There are empty beer cans all over and the go-kart is missing. I need it for my halloween costume.
I'm sorry I kept calling you a pussy... but to be fair, you were being a pussy.
There's glitter in my speakers, piles of cheezits on the floor, a random Audi in the driveway and a homeless dude napping in a lawn chair in the backyard. Wtf happened last night?
I have a fever. Last thing I need to do tonight is be elbow deep in old lady pussy.
Awareness is good for change and all, but ignorance is bliss. I like bliss.
is it too much for me to say that i have a ziplock bag with ice in it in my underwear?
They're either celebrating their tax money or trying to kill each other.
Its official, kitchen-couch is my favorite.
You passed out again didn't you?
its likely that this occurred.
Sorry. I was preoccupied thinking about penises
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