i just saw someone i know on True Life. i need new friends.
You need to get here now. A drunk girl just stumbled into our apartment. shes laying on the floor by our door.
so i just realized i am an alcoholic. I was making some tomato soup because im still sick, and put vodka in it. sad huh? lets go out!
I drank mimosas and played bocce ball in the middle of finals week...now i know how Comm majors feel all the time.
perfect irony that i'm celebrating international women's day with a yeast infection
My 16 year old neighbor is throwing a rager cuz her parents are out of town and my brother and I are sitting on the porch listening to A) someone fuck on the trampoline B) a girl bawling about her parents finding out C) someone puking in what we think is the hot tub. And overall we take a shot everytime someone says "bra"
Muscle is literally tearing itself off of my shins. No I am not going on another bar crawl with you.
I'll pay?
Pick me up at 9.
I can't help that I bring out the sex in people
I'm ready to get married, then we can lie around watching anime and eating pizza while he rubs baby oil on me
Bring me that man meat
Look I'm really hungover so let's try this again. In 5 mins you're gonna call me and tell me that you're on your way with xannies, iced coffee and a back rub
We are gonna play a game I like to call what the fuck is in my pocket
is 250 jello shots considered an open container?
I want you
Nvm, now I want someone who replies to my booty-call texts faster
Uh oh. Put down the vodka cancel the clowns and get rid of the donkey
Randomize
