i broke my thumb. i no longer have 2 opposable thumbs. i'm sub-human. i love vicodin.
i may or may not have been spotted by tourists while getting head in the vicinity of the jefferson memorial
lets hang out tonight and do stupid stuff.
Dating you for 6 months was stupid enough. But thanks.
The chick I went home with last night had a happy trail
All his texts have the signature of a date with a smile. I asked him what it means. IT'S THE DAY HE QUIT DOING DRUGS
if you want blown tonight you're gonna have to take me up on that offer now. in less then 45 minutes you're gonna be blacked out and i'm not doing something i'm not getting credit for in the morning.
Will you be topless? That will affect my answer.
Was waiting for the adderal to kick in then realized I had been brushing my teeth for eighteen minuites
I AM SAFE. EVERYTHING IS FOG. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED.
You know you need to hit the gym when you're not strong enough to get the cork outta the wine bottle. And you know you're a drunk when that's the only motivation to do exercises
I have hobbies that aren't destroying myself and others...i can make hats.....
Hahahaha. He sent me a dick snap in the lululemon stockroom. What is life. If this works out, this could benefit everyone....
I need you to get the emergency bail money out if the stuffed panda and go to the police station tot bail me out. I should be there in 20 minutes.
This year my vagina is giving thanks that several of my cubs are coming home for the holiday
What does "mood AF" mean?
Mood as fuck.
Why did you comment that on a video of a gorilla throwing its own shit?
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