Woke up this morning at my parent's house. No idea how I got here... what happened last night? Was it bad?
We using my standards or yours?
Hey, what are you up to?
Drinking wine with the guys and watching 7 Pounds.
Looking back I guess I could have changed that to beer and Die Hard.
I just saw a man salute the budweiser truck on the highway. I want to follow him and shake his hand.
i just looked at the calendar to see when spring break is and literally stopped eating
Even DaVinci knew it was gay to draw the penis big. Thanks art history
I think the imperative here is that I literally knocked down a sorority house with the force of my dick.
My mind hurts. I feel like I drank sand yesterday.
For the record, saying you're friends with the owner doesn't work when the owner is the one throwing you out.
I told the bartender that he could give me back the tip I gave him if he outsmarted me in a battle of wits. He has yet to challenge me.
How the fuck did you end up in a tree? With multiple people?
My week is over as of 8pm tonight, and I'm herpes free...Let's rage
I think I'm allergic to vodka. Or people getting engaged. One or the other. I want to die.
I do feel like I owe you an apology for trying to fuck your dad last night but in my defense everyone knows I shouldn't drink tequila.
Your the only person I know that needed stiches after a Monday morning conference call. How are you in your 20s? How
Last time we had sex i was dressed like a ninja turtle and someone else was in our bed, so this time should be fine.
I hope ur kiddin
wish i was
Randomize
