what has become of my life if the best thing thats happened to me this week is that i discovered my cleavage as the best hiding spot ever for weed.
i need a new camera phone. my pictures from last night are as blurry as my memories. and neither tell me why i woke up in an airplane hangar.
I think I just made patron unclassy I bought limes at a gas station and for salt we are using gas station packets of salt
Pre-order weed for 4/20 and i'll give you a discount.
Church boner. Awkwardddd
I'm going to fuck my way out of the friend zone if its the last thing I do
I AM SAFE. EVERYTHING IS FOG. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED.
I want to die. Marc and I were making out in the hallway and fell into a fire hose in a glass case. It shattered everywhere. Everyone thought we fell out a window. I think I have glass in my back. Awesome.
They are taking turns pissing on the fire. This is my life.
I don't know his last name, but he's in phone as Pat the conqueror.
A hefty woman and I mean hefty shoved her number in my pocket at the gym without as much as a hello, winked and kept walking. Going to use your bed to defile her, don't want her to know where I live or have my neighbors see! Thanks, you're a pal!
It's now officially the Christmas season, so I have no shame in drinking evernog.
He's ready to settle down, whereas I'm like "More shots please"
So was it everything you dreamed it would be
I puked.
Twice.
So is that a yes?
I'm sorry I crashed your motorcycle and watched you get robbed from a rooftop. Will you please come back or at least drop off my shoes?
Randomize
