Still waiting. He said he'd call between 2 and 10... apparently he's like the Comcast of drug dealers.
You unbuttoned your shirt and started walking down the center of the road screaming traffic stops for Enrique Iglesias.
i almost burnt down an apartment complex. little busy, get back to you later
I poured myself a glass of chocolate chips at some point during the evening.
Its not that I don't mind giving her as much as my penis as she wants, its the post sex cigarette I have to supply. Shits $9 a pack.
Put a tip jar next to your bed from now on.
Your good ideas are reason #4 we need to live together.
Jake bring pizza.
JAKE BRING PIZZA.
He crawled over to me grabbed my boob asked me if I liked cats and then passed out. If that's really my RA, it's gonna be a long year
Are you still going to come over for your post Alcoholics Anonymous beer?
Just walked into your room to get my clothes and he's still passed out in your bed. Remind me to high five you when you get home
Funny how the post-sex UTI lasted longer than the entire relationship.
I lost Mario kart three times but I got laid so it wasn't the WORST night I've ever had.
Please can we have sex in this office for old times sake
March Madness means a buffet of emotionally vulnerable dick at the bars almost every night. So yeah my vagina and I are big fans.
He just stopped in the middle of undressing for sex to dip his slice of pizza in ranch. I think I’m in love.
How was that girls surprise party last night?
Got absolutely destroyed tried to put somebody's leather jacket on and make out with their mother. You know.. the norm
Randomize
