Omg. Just talked to a semi driver from nebraska. Got her truck stuck. Gave her and her riding buddy a glass of vodka and a cig. YES.
Eric said he heard us having sex the other night. He said i did a great job.
So I just bought underwear that says "I'm taken." Just know that when I cheat on my bf with you, that's what I'm wearing
You were Q-tipping mashed potatoes out of your ear.
That's not how these arrangements work. You don't buy each other stuff unless you break a sex toy. End of story.
Some random walked into our tent, woke her up and said "Harry Potter must not go back to Hogwarts!"
No, she isn't nearly as crazy as the girl who wanted to wear a vial of my semen as a necklace.
The hypnotist is here. He has a black eye and smells like tequila.
Any chance I can buy my dignity back with $45?
The bros used their bong water as pong water but I walked in mid game and didn't know so they hit our first cup and I chugged it.
You fell in the corner and refused to get up unless someone helped you. And then you crawled under the pool table and took a nap.
I'm gonna write a book. Almost Awesome: all the times I ALMOST got laid.
masturbating on the freeway is more stressful than it sounds
who knew magic tricks and sex would actually go together?
is that a dick in a sweater?
Randomize
