Did we have sex?
No you put the condom on then passed out on the bed so I left
So on facebook, the pictures from my church mission trip are right up next to the pictures of my first time on E. Sorry Jesus.
How much would it be to rent out Gus Johnson so he can announce our flip cup games?
i love that he's uncircumcised. it makes handjobs so much easier. it's the lazy susan of penises.
The irony of calling it Pride is that you do things that no one should be proud of.
All he was doing was sitting in the car, staring. We asked him what was wrong and he just turned, smiled, and said "everything has its own pair of boots"
I just burped jalapeños and cum. That was the most disgusting thing ever.
Change the recording on your voicemail. He found your number and my ass print on the car hood.
Oh god iv'e slept with this police officer before oh god oh god
She's comparing the feel of breasts to shredded cabbage. Weirdest. Grandmother. Ever.
Something about Sunday night screams phone sex
The night is not complete until I am drnk and speaking to inanimate objects
It's 5AM and I just stirred weed butter into ramen noodles. This is not where I expected to be at 30. ...But, hey, getting high off noodles.
She gave me a boner for the first time in 9 years.
OMFG. JUST WALKED IN ON A DUDE JERKING IT IN THE MCDONALDS BATHROOM
Stall or urinal?
Randomize
