how many beers do i need before it is acceptable to sleep with sam
enough that when i make fun of you for it tomorrow you wont even remember it happening
I just cleaned my sheets and decided to do a black light test. My headboard is a masterpiece.
dude 8 am is too early to start pregaming for new years eve
clearly you are not from wisconsin
note to self, drunkenly bedazzeling the silverware was a stupid fucking idea
Hey. Can you be so hung over that you get a rash?
The bouncer at this strip club is my new best friend. He is also very persuasive. He got me to strip onstage for a t shirt. It's a nice shirt.
Is it bad to get into the ocean at night? i always thought sharks hated the smell of vomit after drinking
Snorting lines of xanex off the back of my grandparents toilet before church. Thinking of u.
She screams like she's just fallen out of a helicopter when she cums.
He insisted he brought his alarm clock everywhere, and then the girl screamed "fuck French people!"
Why do you have an empty bottle of port in your bathroom bin?
We exchanged spring break stories last night. Open relationships are the best.
The part of "Dave" will now be played by "Rob." Rob, why don't you unzip and show Dave why that is.
Its like the floor is slow but life is fast?
I see you found the nyquil...
Why are there condoms taped to the handle of Tito’s?
I get horny when I drink, pregnant when I fuck and I never lose the booze unlike my purse
Randomize
