It feels like I shit a light bulb that shattered on the way out.
How's your Sunday morning ritual of shitting and throwing up at the same time going?
Omg just remembered. I tried to kidnap a dog.
But don't worry I didn't actually get stitches, although according to the health center I probably should have
You force fed me chocolate chips and avocados for 3 hours and kept asking me about my trip to sweden when I was 4.
Well, I'm at the grocery store wondering whether I exist or not.
I was going to make out with him...then he licked syrup off the kitchen floor.
There's a bachlorette party going on at the bowling alley, so we'll see who wins greatest shitshow tonight.
It's only slutty if you don't have his number. Unless there's a full moon. Then anything goes.
We tried the hang n bang, remember? You ruined it by crying and telling me you loved me while blowing me.
You thought you were drunk? I woke up at 6 o'clock this morning with a cheeseburger in my left hand a drink in my right with my window half way down. it was raining.... fml
So Doritos and vodka was obviously not as good an idea as I thought at the time.
Owwwww. Yeah. I can barely move unless Im high on vicodin. We are bad at drinking/balancing. We will be the first to break hips and have to go into a home.
Walking into class right now and I swear to god I smoked down the substitute teacher we have at a party I went to last week
HEY. NO. THIS IS ABOUT YOU RIGHT NOW. YOUR COCK, MY MOUTH, THATS IT.
Randomize
