I just spent a chunk of my Christmas money on Plan B. I don't think that's what my relatives had mind when they said "spend it wisely", but hey, it was a good investment considering the bad life choices i made last night.
when the police officer said he was gonna take a picture of the car accident, you asked if you should pose on the hood
Just remembered I hit myself in the face with a bottle then did the nose test and decided I was still good. Don't think anyone noticed.
He completely dissapeared at the baseball game. We found him passed out at the hotel three hours later with souviner photos of himself at the top of the Sears Tower.
I just ate a can of beans for dinner so I can afford to go get a 5$ bottle of wine. I really did not think these choices would still be necessary at age 25.
You call it a hangover, I call it a baby squirrel burrowing its way out of my head.
That would warm my breasts.
In this context breast is a metaphor for soul.
I asked for a steak knife but the waitress could see in my eyes it was a bad idea
Ok. I'll enjoy the quiet (translation: I might be naked, call ahead if you come home tonight)
My mom just walked in and saw a picture of his penis. She then asked me "Do you even have a cervix left?!" I don't know what to feel anymore HA
Yeah well that's a good thing right? Like mothers approval? Kinda like a Fathers blessing but. . . better?
I was so high I watched a 5 minute video of different scenes of horses running. The music was magical.
Sometimes I wish I lived alone because there would be no one to judge me if I wanted to have whiskey and popcorn for breakfast.
Dinner at 5, shrooms at 10.
i am risking my non lesbian vagina for your needs. i better be the best friend you ever had
Um. I just realized I still have a beer in my purse from last night. I'm at work. I am so classy.
Randomize
