this wart on my finger ripped off while i was fingering this girl the other night. she thought she had gotten her period and started crying so i went with. its better for both of us that way
u know whats better than using ur vibrator? using it w/ jeopardy on in the background and half moaning the correct final jeopardy question. yeah that just happened.
can you buy anything in the cafeteria for less than $2? I spent the last of my laundry money on a chia pet
I probably wouldn't hook up with him if I had to deal with more than his penis. i think cumulatively we are up to a minute of actual conversation this week.
I JUST SHOOK HIS GRANDMOTHER'S HAND. WITH COCK HANDS. THIS IS NOT FUNNY.
Just had a pleasant conversation with a mugger while he was taking off my shoes. Why can't I get along with people like this sober?
I said "have a good day officer and I'll see you friday when I get arrested for being too drunk.."
how bad is she
captain morgan with tits
Why the fuck did I wake up in a chair with mouth clamps?!
Just ran into her dad at the strip club. He bought me a dance. I think i found a winner.
Happy anniversary, did you sign and mail in the divorce papers yet?
Her son walked in on us and asked if he could "wrestle too."
I got so tired of my roommates fucking in the tub I took a shit in it. Surprise!
you bounced a quarter off my butt and it came back hitting you in the eye. karma, bitch.
She's like a squirrel. She spazzes out all the time.
Randomize
