so i just saw your dad embarking upon a biking journey in full reflective gear
...this stays between you and me
When my options for Friday night are being a 3rd wheel or bringing a gay man as my date i need to focus on other things in life like having a successful career.
I'm pretty sure I left my reasoning skills at home last night, and just brought anger and rage with me.
We just found a handle of vodka in our fridge and no one knows how it got there. God I love spring break.
We got a party bus for the nite. I found out the hard way why stripper poles are meant for girls.
Well today was Thanksgiving Anti-Miracle Daydrinkathon so I had to be drunk by 2pm
Just got booked to do a bachelorette party for a polygamist wedding. And notice I only text you to rub things in your face and show you my life shits on yours. Daily.
Why are all the dvds taped to the fish tank. Really.
Ps, did you know if you google "drunk jenga", you're the first image that shows up?
So I vote that we skip the bowling and just go straight to destroying our livers.
It's an open bar. I'm gonna be gone when you get here.
Text me the address now before you're too drunk to text English.
Well. I mean as excuses for running late go, 'losing track of time in the bathhouse' has gotta be up there on the top ten.
I noticed while having sex on Friday that I have great endurance. CrossFit works.
Good new is, my parents are alive. Better news they will be in the hospital all weekend. Best news is im having a house party. All weekend.
Just found out the last guy I hooked up with is being held in a federal prison under suspicion of stealing 175k.
Randomize
