just sold my soul for a pack of cigaroos. little do they know they got the short end of the deal. suckers.
i gave him head before the novacaine wore off...i think his penis touched my lung
She's holding my hand. I'm going to kill myself.
Can you send me the video of that girl that got arrested last night? I'm gonna try and hit that and I need something to break the ice with.
Do your friends by chance have our inflatable deer head?
Nevermind, it's in the dryer.
I accidently showed a girl my balls already today. Made me think of you.
I just found a tail you can wear naked. Via a butt plug. Who ever said the internet was a good thing?
every Thursday i draw one of my friends names out of a hat to choose who i will drunkenly text all weekend
You can wear my underwear. It'll be like old times.
Just thought you should know I'm having a reunion tour of Athens this weekend. Minus the weird guy I was fucking last time.
Probably won't be invited back there again considering last time his purebred corgi ate my pot brownie and had to be rushed to the hospital.
I was about to google "rabies and sexual activity." Then I realized I was at work.
Are ropes allowed in during conjugals?
I still hate everything and everyone around me. Krampus taught me nothing.
Got lost on the way to my dealer again. He stayed on the phone with me untill i found him and then hooked it up because I got lost.. What a genuine person.
Randomize
