Yep. About to get on pornhub to spill some Christmas cheer
Are you for fucking real.? He divorced me just because he got a fucking girlfriend.?!
He's fat, has man boobs, and is uncircumsized. I feel like I won the last woman on earth prize.
So not only did team sweden fail to particpate in any drinking game but i also found puke in my viking helmet this morning.
he said he would handcuff me to his penis. thats not even possible. i want to go home.
just had a flashback of you pouring champagne into my mouth from someones balcony..
He just asked if I would make his black snake moan. Dating basketball players is not worth the glory
for future reference mormans are hard to crack but they give fucking amazing hand jobs.
You crawled everywhere and rolled in ice cream. No more vodka for a month.
You tried tipping the cashier at Cook Out by shoving a dollar bill down his shirt and yelling "Magic Mike"
You know where a good place to spend summer is? In your head. High as shit. It doesn't matter where you are.
We've started traveling with Michael and Patrick so we can pretend we're two legit straight couples.
A charade that fell apart the second another couple on the cruse found Sarah face down in my box on an observation deck.
According to the boxer briefs I found on the couch when I got home, I take it your date went well??
In this house, we have but one simple rule: DONT FUCKIN TOUCH MY STUFF OR I'LL CUT YOUR NECK IN UR SLEEP
Got electrocuted a second ago, is it weird that I have a boner?
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