So the D.A.R.E. essay I helped my tutor kid write won an award. Oh the irony.
so after the bed broke we walked out of the room to a standing ovation
He said he's gonna start calling me "Benny" because we're "friends with bennyfits"
I know it's not your turn to do the dishes, but since they're covered in your puke, it is.
And she was like "I wanted you all for myself, to love you, and treat you like gold."... See this is why I shouldn't fuck Italian chicks...
She's the perfect storm when it comes to psycho stalkers
She looked at my facebook and decided to bump the security deposit up an extra 250...now we have to destroy the house, its expected and I wouldn't want to disappoint
NEVERCLEAR, NEVER AGAIN.
I wasn't hungover this morning. My head just hurt because someone tried to suction cup a dildo to my forehead.
Who wrote Most Moistest Dad on my chest and what the fuck does it mean?!?
Im going to bed. I'm seeing 7 of everything and my world smells like gravy
Can I also remind you that we insisted on touching his mustache?
Well of course I remember it took up like 20 minutes of my night.
I just want to be like i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it
Well I'm over here squandering a fabulous hair day and radiant complexion
I'm here. Help me get the salsa and bong inside.
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