It's like having an annoying little brother who wants to have sex with you
my little brother just told me that I should start chasing my vodka with slim fast. genious.
You tend to look at life differently when you wake up to nutella vomit all over your room with no recollection of how it got there
You know how to spell recollection?
The lack of respect you have for your penis baffles me. I'd rather rub my ball sack on public toilet seats than stick my dick in some of those girls.
A simple 'no' would have sufficed
Anything that comes outta your cooch is bound to be breathtaking
That could use a little rephrasing
wait no I wore my bra home that morning. I stole someone's bra last night?
I'm just so happy. I go to sleep and when I wake up there will be chocolate milk and penis.
Went kayaking. drunk. DID NOT FALL IN. Mission succesful.
I feel like if he almost got me pregnant once, i can at least say hi in a bar
I don't want to be Eskimo brothers with your dad
I'm sitting in Madison square park surrounded by children thanking god I took emergency contraception
I'm glad you had fun with your genitals.
The awkward moment your booty call shows up to the Mexican restaurant and realizes you just picked burritos over pussy
My sex life is driven by spite and alcohol
I apparently lifted the young child over my head yelling "Victory!" after that last game of pool, right before doing some Girls Just Wanna Have Fun karaoke.
Randomize
