She was running around the bar, demanding everyone call her Jesus or else she would attack them like a llama. ack.
I am no longer a man. I just realized I prefer Spongebob to college football.
just found more coke in my pocket. i love not washing my jeans after every individual use.
He brought over a 20 dollar bottle of wine. Who does that? This is college.
While I was banging her, her cell rang. She checked to see who it was, answered it, and moaned, "I'm dumping you."
I just don't see what's wrong with carrying a water bottle around.
It's not the bottle. It's the fact that you're drinking wine out of a sport bottle at 9 am.
I woke up to my dog puking on my bed. Looks like it was a successful night for us all.
I hope in my next life I'm a sterile trophy wife. With a husband who showers me in wealth and gifts but can't get a hard on. Do you think my karma is good enough for that?
Last night was just one giant freudian slip.
You made out with EVERYBODY.
Can I just bleach my life?
On the bad side I puked, but on the bright side I puked lettuce which was a new experiance
I think I just did my first walk of shame. He sent me home with a watermelon from his farm. Southern one night stands.
Dude, I danced with Abe Lincoln! How could last night have been any better???
Oh btw, ur tongue should count as a second cock it's that good
We had sex then laid in his bed eating chocolate and drinking juice boxes. I think I'm going to keep him around.
Profesor just winked at me. This class might be easier than I thought
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