Is it 'vaginas' or 'vaginae?'. Either way there were a shit ton of them.
A woman in the waiting room at the STD clinic told me that she is going to pray to jesus for my penis.
and people in Baltimore still get a bad wrap.
Great, now everyone thinks I've had giraffe semen in me
you said grace in the diner. 5am, drunk, grace. you thanked the man w the mushroom cut for the wonderful supply of screwdrivers
I had to close one eye to read the questions on my final this morning. That hungover.
You are beautiful! I got thrown out of a bar tonight for throwing my shoe. It was at my sister, I don't know why they were mad. I know her.
you called me in the middle of the night, wandering the streets, in search of "the ultimate burrito"
I'm helping my Mormon ex boyfriend from high school embrace his inner cross dresser. This is truly god's work.
I'm gonna look back at these days one day and be like "damn I shoulda been turnt but I was in bed instead watching netflix"
When i said i was brazilian i swear to god he started to tear up
Remember when I got punched in the face on NYE last year? I don't
He hand fed me trail mix then I watched the video of me the next morning. He was actually feeding me meow mix.....that drunk. I still have no regrets marrying him
I just went to cvs and bought condoms, handcuffs and a coloring book
i've got three words. i. was. spanked.
you asked me how to turn on the ladder
Randomize
