I seriously can't date anymore I forgot how to hide my crazy
I rubbed one out into an envelope and mailed it to her. Game point, I win.
and she was petting her beer can
apparently the officer said last night, "son, why don't you do yourself a favor and spread your legs so you don't keep vomiting on them". why can't I remember those nights?!
I finally had sex with him last night, but we used a condom so it doesn't add to my number of sexual partners.
jacking off on stolen wireless... gotta enjoy the small things in life
I don't know what part of vegas I'm in but its definately the wrong part
Found out why they call her Halfpipe Jenny-NOT the cool reason we thought
The kid that passed out is still in the bathtub filled with ice and the empties
he's hot he just has too much baggage, and has really fucking skinny ankles which freaks me out
you aren't having sex with his ankles, As long as knee caps and above are good, i'd go for it
nothing like a call from your drunk grandpa at midnight on a wednesday to ask your parents if you're registered to vote...
Sorry, I was trapped in a small closet behind a washer. What's up?
Totally forgot we howled at the full moon last night... It's safe to say Tuesday Boozeday is my new favorite day of the week
Today is a wonderful day to be mildly hungover
It's only ok to pee out the window in the afternoon when you're drunk.
Randomize
