dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
My bra smells like weed because there's weed in my bra
Pray the makeout fairy visits me this weekend.
he picked an earring up off the bar floor and tried to give it to girls as a present.
You cleaned out the gashes in your leg from hopping that fence with that whipped cream vodka, didnt you?
Fuck you. You would only tell me how to get to your house in Spanish.
You called me and said "Aidan's unconscious" to which he said "I'm conscious, I'm conscious pilot"
He was filled with the holy spirit. And vodka.
I will accept it in the form of tooth necklace but if you have better ideas I am open to suggestions.
I put you to bed and you would not go unless I let you sleep with the vodka
Side note, from now on any snap chat I get that isn't interesting enough... Is getting a dick in response. Judge your snaps accordingly
There's like a dolphin trainer convention here or something. I will parlay this trip to Vegas into riding Shamu if its the last thing I do.
I just fell out of my doorway to go to class so if that doesn't describe how my night went idk what will
But I only have 2 emotions angry and horny
Just rode a bull topless for a free bar tap for a month
Dude I just woke up naked on the floor with my dick in a boot. Legit in a fucking boot. I also have no idea where I am.
Randomize
