LMAO!!! just remembered you said this to me last night. "sometimes you post too many Jesus tweets. It's not that that's really bad... But I roll my eyes and you should know that."
I was drunk but it's true
He's been dead since March and more people write on his wall than mine.
of course. lets lasso hookers.
Hey, I can't get ahold of Tommy. Let him know his ex-girlfriend is pregnant.
Also, I'd like to add that that I'm not quitting my job, my boss fed me shots at 11 am this morning.
You insisted on calling your mixture of Bacardi & powdered milk "a Jamacian Facial."
The fire alarm went off at 3 am in the freshmen dorm. So guess which junior everyone now knows is hooking up with a freshman? This girl...
am i gonna have visuals on this?
you are gonna see the trees puking up fireworks and ninja pheonixes will shit rainbows and fire
Omg do you remember last night you kept pointing to your vag asking who wants to play this like a fiddle hahaha
I don't know what part of my sober brain thought it was a good idea to get stoned when I can barely walk with crutches as it is, but that part is stupid.
He wants Portugal to lose so badly he threw out all the sangria. You know how depressing it is to watch someone dump 4 gallons of heaven?
I stole a tiki torch last night and just returned it. Things have been better.
Looks like it rained condoms in my room last night
So her ex boyfriend came up a lot in conversation while I was fucking her. Is that weird?
Who the fuck has a conversation during sex?
you're telling me you don't want to have sex 30,000 feet above the earth?
Randomize
