Oh My! A car just drove by me a splashed me with a wave of water. I am drenched and soaking wet!
I am sorry--all I heard is that you are wet.
you were calling yourself Ulickes S. Cunt.
he's 25, hott, and leaving for iraq tuesday, i wanna get in as much as possible...
your life is a nick sparks novel waiting to happen
Downstairs neighbor just asked me to tell people when they jump off the balcony next time not to land on her flowers
I woke up with someone else's vomit on my ass. That's how I'm doing today.
I'm sorry. I really don't see what's wrong with pregaming before a wine tasting.This champagne won't drink itself.
The wine tasting is just for charity anyways...
She sucked my dick while i watched james bond. And they say marriage sucks
He just gave himself a boner while driving using "the power of his mind"
You rode him down the last flight of stairs like a human sled.
On that note I give you a 10 for sticking the landing and staying on the whole ride.
I think the last straw was when you put on ice skates to go across the waxed wooden floor.
Please come collect your inebriated significant other. He just sleep-farted and scared my cats. Please hurry.
They left around 10:00 this morning. I've been naked since 10:01.
When I woke up I was spooning with a block of cheese. Like, cuddling. Me and the cheese we nestling...
It got to the point where I was so drunk, playing rock paper scissors as a drinking game seemed like a good idea.
If that pentatonix bullshit is playing when I get home we're breaking up
Randomize
