The bird has been looking kind of ugly lately...gotta look nice to fly with the hawk ya know?
I lost my shoes and bra and was beyond mapquesting
What kind of soap washes out shame, bad decisions, and whiskey?
Irish Spring?
he was in the bathroom singing "will it floooaaat?? will it floooaaat?!" turns out that's a deal breaker for me.
Be still, my beating vagina.
Weve literally been going out drinking five days a week. That counts as a full time job right?
Ok I'm good with that cause I'm gonna disappear for 90 days
Are you goin to rehab again?
Just saw some dude tumble down the stairs of the bar while leaving...fist pump...and then sprint down the road
I yelled kanye while he was fucking me. It just felt right
Use "feeling words"
Yay
I just saw a bunch of drunk old guys riding on the side of a modified old fire truck yelling at cars and smoking while they looked for parking...promise we will be just like them when we grow up?
I'm craigslisting fire trucks as we speak
We got high and watched Winnie the Pooh. Isn't that what every normal person does on their break?
This power is too much for most humans to handle safely. It's like having the nuclear launch codes, except it's my penis.
The Australian strangers convinced me to leave him behind when they started chanting Aussie Aussie Aussie, Oy Oy Oy, and told me they had a bunch of beer at their place.
He was basically a horny puppy - following me around all night and kept sticking his hand down my pants.
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