so im in the parking lot of taco bell eating a taco...and some girl just got out of a car and screamed at the top of her lungs "XANEX FOR SALE!!!!" i fucking love Hamilton.
I have so many mobile devices now, I only use my laptop for porn.
I think I found my soulmate. This guy in front of me is yelling about getting laid while holding two beers and texting. I think this is love.
this girl walked outta his room as i was walkin in to scottys and i just say " time for the walk of shame baby! whoooo!". she ran away
it went kinda like vodka, childhood memories, screaming/cursing, fist fight, tears, broken shit, passing out. in that order. tis the season.
In a meeting with the accounting department. This shit is even more boring in real life and there isn't a professor to wake me up.
Drunk sex destroyed my coffee table... ikea this weekend?
She said I came to for a minute, shouted IHOP!! and then shook my head and said no before passing out again
He gave me a trycicle he stole from a kid as an "offering" to have sex. I couldnt say no when he went through all that.
There has to be a way to make college graduation in Las Vegas different than any other Tuesday in Las Vegas. Strippers? Been there. Getting arrested for public indecency on the strip? Done that.
That number that I thought was that dude's number...was actually my district manager's number. Fuckkkk.
That commercial was clearly aspirational. I think Arbor Mist would pair nicely with Oscar Meyer
Weekend plan is a big bag of dope, delivery food, Bollywood marathon and masterbating my dick raw.
I see you listening to my get shitfaced playlist on spotify. glad we're on the same page tonight there's a drink waiting for you downstairs.
You are talking to me during sexting hours. Be careful, innuendos are taken seriously
Randomize
