the next pure michigan commercial i see, i am going to pee in a fucking lake
they thought it would be fun to get out their yearbook and see who hooked up with the most guys..I won...I don't even go to the same school
i just walked by a road side game of beer pong? it's gonna be a long day
I passed out leaning next to a light pole. When the cop woke me up at 4 AM, I told him I was a block away from the apt, just had to stop to make a puke pit stop.
That's cool, I just have to let the dogs out AND SO HELP ME GOD IF YOU TEXT ME BAHA MEN LYRICS WE ARE NOT FRIENDS.
But besides the pee thing, he sounds like a nice guy.
About to see some guy and give him a glance that tries to express how sorry i am for blowing his friend while he was getting a BJ in the same room
She trust falled out of a window. It was like that scene from A Little Princess but with a lot more blood.
He sent me a blank text message. That's a booty call waiting to happen
Odd start to the day - the FBI just showed up at my apartment.
BRING KITTENS I AM A GENIUS
School supplies are right next to the margarita mix at target. Its a sign
a reward? ill think of something
if its not drugs or food I swear to god ill throw a fit
You almost lost your european virginity to a Peruvian man waering a do-rag in a port-a-potty.
I'm just really glad SD weather is so erratic so I can get away with wearing a scarf in May to cover up these hickeys.
Randomize
