She knew it was going down when I had her search for "condoms" in my iPhone Maps.
I just want you to know IcyHot in the ear is weird. Don't ask.
Being a responsible DD does not include attempting to coordinate a 4 taxi caravan to bar #3
so now that i'm sober i just want to apologize for violating your back seat...... on a brighter note thank you for playing the little mermaid song "kiss the girl," really set the mood.
I have bruises on my ass from her spurs. God bless Texas.
My wedding band has saved me from at least four cases of herpes tonight.
He got me a cake that said " Congratulations on the dick "
come home. I need you. I'm too hungover to deal with this hangover alone
You walked up to me, grabbed my face and said "I just peed in the sink!"
I'm sitting here with a heating pad and a fan on me eating snow caps off of my boobs
We should have a mid-burrito sex-break, too. Just so we don't get too full all at once
Good point.
was i wearing any clothes at that point?
socks and a thong
Man, I'm never going tanning again he noticed the burns on my ass
Nothing kills the mood like opening another guy’s dick pic in bed
I don't know if I'm having early flu symptoms, a miscarriage, or am badly hungover. Web md agrees.
Randomize
