I'm not high anymore, I decide when it's done.
I just packed a bowl in my room and use glad press n' seal to cover it so it wouldn't dump out in my pocket .
Just took a celebratory "i havent slept with anyone in this bar" shot. yesssss....
who paints a picture of their own dick and sends it to people. i dont know if its borderline crazy or just fucking genius...
I distinctly remember seeing your nipples from the deck.
I'm being responsible and going as a gay, slutty Mormon missionary. It's responsible because I'll have a bike helmet on for when I fall over because I'm too shitfaced to stand upright. It's safer than Count Fagula. I just need to come up with a line equal or greater than "Blaaaa I want to suck your dick"
Sounds like sex on a twister board.
An idea that is both hilarious and intriguing...
i'm exhausted. do you know how hard it is to put together an outfit that is professional enough to secure a babysitting job yet slutty enough to let him know i'm down for sex during naptime?
Stop calling dibs on everything with a vagina you jackass.
That should be the title of my autobiography.
why does drunk me think that doing things like throwing up on my desk and all over my 15 page lab report is okay
The only rule I'm making for myself tonight is to not drink out of the sink at the bar.
Woke up at noon, still drunk, naked, with another girl next to me. When she wakes up, I'm gonna have my SECOND lesbian experience with her. How's your 2015 going?
He's mad about lube? You know what, don't even. I'm not in the proper mindset to discuss lube.
OH MY GOD I AM DYING. AS I WAS TEXTING I JUST BUMPED INTO A MOTHER FUCKING DEER. I AM SHAKING
Wait...Literally? You hit a deer...with your body?!
I PHYSICALLY RAN INTO IT. I FELT ITS WEIRD HAIR AND I EVEN APOLOGIZED CAUSE IT DINDT REGISTER THAT IT WASNT A PERSON. MORTIFIED.
He in a way got kinda cockblocked by Jesus
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