Dude. Fucked her last night. Fucked her this morning. went downstairs for water. took 18 pack of Coors Light instead and took it back to my gf's. Got a blow job from her. Drinking the beer on my deck now. Best Day ever.
how can you tell if its a queef or a fart from that close?
so I just used the H1N1 mask my mom gave me for college to hold in a bong hit longer... god I love orientation week
i can hardly tell the difference between falling asleep and passing out anymore
Is today national text-a-girl-whose-had-your-dick-in-her-mouth day and I just wasn't aware?? I am getting the most random "just saying hey" texts ever and that's the only common denominator.
I don't judge her for getting booty calls at 2 in the morning, so she can't judge me for staying in friday nights and putting spray cheese on pringles.
Do you remember some guy walking around the club saying "boner patrol" and smacking people in the dick?
Yeah, that was you
Omg no. We ate a raw pumpkin last nighr. We dipped it in BBQ sauce.
I doubt she'll sponsor it. You know alcohol and fireworks don't mix, right?
It's okay. We're not going to soak the fireworks in alcohol. The alcohol is for drinking.
I want to just live in between your butt cheeks.
Bianca brought a stripper home he's making me breakfast
That guy was drunk and couldn't get it up so he just tried to scissor me.
Just convinced the cute guy from class that I have prostate cancer. GET ME OUT OF THIS TOWN!
Drunk twilight is the only twilight
He flipped a shopping cart in the back room and had to leave to make a jazz playlist. If we aren't in love then i don't know what love is.
Randomize
