it's just weird having a massive boner in the morning when you could have used it the night before.
I can't tell if I miss summer or 5 times a day sex more.
So I'm looking through your google history on your laptop and you have 'is ketchup even remotely nutritious' and 'alcohol with fewest calories but highest alcohol'. What new fad diet are you on because I feel like we could do this together.
My fuck buddy took time out of his date with his girlfriend to text me happy Valentines Day.
The only way i can get arrested is public drunkenness or defacing a national monument. Trust me, i have already looked it up.
After he came all he could say was how great the lighting fixtures where in my apartment.
And the best part is I don't remember putting the condom in my pocket! Angels officially exist
Ohhh. Its been awhile. Vending machine hotel condoms are $15 here who can afford to not get herpes?
I know of an excellent nanny. A lot like Mary Poppins but way cooler. And likes pot.
dude girls our age are getting married and having babies and I still can't figure out how to defrost my hotpockets
He keeps bees of course he's weird
Well I just finished dry heaving so I think breakfast is a little further out for me
Btw, remind me to tell you about how I had to cancel my crazy wild sex plans with Will b/c my roommate came back from his trip after a day b/c Canada wouldn't let him in. Fucking cockblock.
Actually that's the whole story. You don't have to remind me.
Still drunk, heading to class.
It's 3 a.m. Dude
Doesn't mean I'm not at my desk. Ill wait.
I will not go because I am a man of my word and of my penis.
Randomize
