I sat alone in Buffalo Wild Wings eating chocolate cake on Country Western karoake night. The waiter asked me if I was ok. Twice.
Ill bet we could have atleast fucked a girl who fucked a guy who has fucked tara reid. That's a famous circle right?
No you can't have a vodka redbull. The pilgrims didn't have vodka redbull.
Those foam number one hands, are the BEST socks.
I woke up to a text that said, "I can see you but can't get in." It was the pizza delivery guy who saw me passed out drunk on the floor through the front door.
If I get over there and the april fools joke is that there's no HBO, I'm setting fire to the place.
You chest bumped everyone we walked by on the way home... Even girls
Nothing says "future AA member" like bonging 40's out of a plastic flamingo.
Then he unzipped his pants and whispers, " oohhh, look out!"
So my class is approximately two vomits from the bus stop. Happy first day of class
Sam was like the mother fucking Moses of drunk and underage kids and he lead them to safety away from the cops. He's a hero that we deserve.
I'm only fucking women born in the 90s this summer
YAY! I just removed my own stitches, and I'm only bleeding from one spot! on a related note, do you think a dishwasher will sterilize forceps and trauma shears?
I wasn't even hungover I was just mourning my dignity
I haven't showered. And am sitting in the office smelling like a beer can someone's been using as an ash tray.
Randomize
