Dude I just witnessed a midget touching himself and singing the chorus to somebodys watching me by michael jackson... it kinda turned me on
god, you should never be in the FBI. you'd give away america's secrets to any boy who asked.
So the weirdest part of it all was he whispered in my ear "can i eat you out on your tredmill?" I dont find him attractive at all anymore
I just had to take a drug test for my new job. I should have asked them if they could tell me if I were pregnant or not while they were at it and save me the guesswork.
I had a dream about a turtle sitting on top of a horse skull. I'm certain its a symbol for my dead sex life. Trust me.
There were slices of bread pasted to the wall with peanut butter this morning. I don't want to know
They're doing shots to celebrate every 15 minutes passing. You can come get them.
Apparently I yelled "no stop it" in my sleep last night when he tried to cuddle with me.
Oops, guess its official. I just use him for sex.
i got a standing ovation for bringing skittles to the party
Dad, is it in any way illegal for me to run around throwing handfuls of lucky charms at people tomorrow?
you're kidding right?
apparently, dueling with garden tools in Home Depot is strictly frowned upon
I kinda feel like I was hit by a Prius. Just glad it's not bus status.
Hi I haven't talked to you since you bought legal marijuana-are you still stoned?
i don't think i have enough personality to make it through this date sober.
so, i take that as a legit invitation into his pants
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